So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
