what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
