i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
