im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
