no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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