Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
