Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
