i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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