Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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