I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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