He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
