dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
