You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize