I think im going to throw up on grandma
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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