just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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