seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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