i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night