I accidentally burped into my bong.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.