I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.