I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.