I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?