Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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