so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.