i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
