I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
