I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
