Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
