you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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