I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
