I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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