I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
