1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize