Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Randomize
