Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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