My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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