so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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