I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
