No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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