I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
