Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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