hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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