She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
