gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
