pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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