That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
