wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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