i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Are we still banned from the library?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
