your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
