i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
