That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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