Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
