what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
