I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
