I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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