Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i drank out of a bidet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
