forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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