Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
