Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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