So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
