Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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