Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
