have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
