YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
jump out the window naked night went bad
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