Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
