I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
