dude i'm inner monologue high
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
