M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm too high and old for this...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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