Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
