My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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