I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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