that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
