You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
