He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
