this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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